Adeoye Oyewole, Consultant Psychiatrist, adeoyewole2000@yahoo.com
in recent times, the media has reported increased cases of violence in the context of marriage. Some have even resulted in death. Besides the physical injuries, there is a need to dig deeper into the psychological and emotional injuries that spouses have suffered in their relationships.
These injuries usually catch the attention of the populace when they result in deaths and we all respond sentimentally without interrogating the real issues involved so that we can be proactive.
Marriage itself is a challenge because both the man and his wife commit their physical, material or financial resources to each other. This, in itself, is a huge responsibility.
This emotional vulnerability makes them open to developing different kinds of psychological problems, especially when the dynamics of their initial interaction changes.
Many issues can cause emotional conflicts in marriage. They range from poor communication, where spouses may only hear and not properly listen to each other; use of foul language, especially in moments of anger, non-verbal commands that disparage them, undue preference and attention on the parents of a particular spouse, infidelity and the inability to reach conclusions on crucial issues about career demands.
Conflicts may also arise due to differences in values with regard to children’s upbringing, their schooling or even the choice of cars to buy.
In this era of economic recession, spouses will certainly have to make some adjustments in their lifestyle to suit dwindling financial resources. However, one may not be able to adjust to these changes and this may facilitate conflicts, which can invariably lead to psychological problems.
What makes conflicts in marriage prone to developing serious and grave psychological consequences is the fact that they are not promptly identified and dealt with.
Also, prominent cultural presumptions may put the male gender above the female during these conflicts, as the woman is still expected to respect, love and cook for her husband even when she is angry with him.
Religion does not help either. It only masks such conflicts until it becomes a cause for concern. In most cases, religious injunctions inadvertently encourage emotional and physical abuse of the woman, which invariably damages her mental health.
Our modern situation has changed some of these circumstances as women have now learnt to be more independent financially and this has significantly altered the outcome of conflict in most marriages in this century.
It has also put more pressure on men, who have been wired culturally and religiously to be in charge. Men pick up habits such as drinking, smoking, womanising and even drugs as a coping mechanism to the threat of their dominance.
These habits predispose them to health challenges such as heart attacks, stroke, hypertension, ulcer, obesity and others. A good number of the men drink more recklessly until they damage their liver or pancreas and other organs.
Some may take too much alcohol, which is associated with erectile dysfunction, this is a complex situation because the man is not able to satisfy his wife in bed.
The women too may easily come down with masked depressive illness and they may use work or religious to escape these emotions.
Unfortunately, our culture and religion has refused to address intelligently the issues that lead to marital conflict in the society.
A good number of complaints by married women such as loss of interest in sexual activity may be a manifestation of a masked depression or a baseless suspicion of the spouse.
When conflicts occur in marriage and they become persistent with physical assaults without resolution, such couples may need professional marital and sexual therapy, which could be done effectively by mental health experts, who can interrogate the underlying factors of conflict and diagnose any associated mental illness that may be complicating the marital experience.
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